


and, heavens, when you looked at me

by agentlithium



Category: HIStory3 - 圈套 | HIStory3: Trap
Genre: Fluff, I mean sort of, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon, jack has so many feelings and all of them are about zhao zi, jack is never not worrying about everything, no real plot just sweet boys, zhao zi is Babey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-18 21:30:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20198479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentlithium/pseuds/agentlithium
Summary: 'It slipped from his lips before he could catch it.'





	1. and, heavens, when you looked at me

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this for a friend! is it well written? absolutely not, but i'm still publishing it because i want attention! enjoy!!!
> 
> title from mary by big thief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'It slipped from his lips before he could catch it.'

Jack dried the last of the forks and set it down in its designated place, in its designated drawer. Dinner was long over and, it being Thursday, meant it was his turn to do the dishes. Even with the informal chore schedule in effect, he and Zhao Zi often helped one another with their daily tasks. Usually, Jack would wash and Zhao Zi would dry, dramatically reducing time spent at this rather dull activity. Zhao Zi would also supply Jack with enough laughter and chatter while they worked which seemed to make the minutes pass by like seconds. Unfortunately, tonight, little Zhao Li An had finally met his match in a meal. 

His eyes had been far bigger than his stomach and that tragic oversight had left him with a particularly nasty stomachache. He could barely stumble from the kitchen to the living room and flop down on the couch. There was little Jack could do assist him. He offered a mug of hot milk, but Zhao Zi was certain he would explode if he consumed one more thing. He didn’t want anything, he assured Jack of this, though his doting boyfriend fretted over him. Jack didn’t leave his side to attend to the dishes from their supper until Zhao Zi promised for the one-millionth time that he was _ fine_. Even then, Jack continued to peek at him from the sink. He listened closely for the faintest sounds of distress or Zhao Zi’s soft voice calling to him. When he finally heard something, he was ready to bolt to the couch before he realized what he had heard was a quiet snore.

Jack sauntered over to Zhao Zi, footsteps silent over the carpet. He bent to kneel in front of him. He hated to wake him. Zhao Zi looked young anyway, but more so in sleep. He was all round, flushed cheeks and dark eyelashes and gently-parted lips. Jack couldn’t contain a wide grin.

“Zhao Zi,” he whispered. To nobody’s surprise, no answer came.

“Shorty?”

He reached out to stroke his face with his thumb. Zhao Zi’s eyes fluttered but never opened.

“Li An,” Jack said, a little more sternly, but still spoken through a smile. Using Zhao Zi’s first name was once a rarity, exclusive to serious situations. Now, it was just a quick and easy way to get Zhao Zi’s attention. He liked how his name sounded when Jack said it. “Wake up.”

Zhao Zi groaned a drawn-out “_noooo,_” before turning his back to Jack.

“How are you feeling?” Jack began to pet his hair. Zhao Zi reached up with the intention to swat him away but ended up settling his own hand atop Jack’s. His only reply to the question was a grunt. Jack’s grin only grew.

“That’s not an answer.”

“It doesn’t hurt anymore,” Zhao Zi mumbled into the pillow.

“That’s good. Do you need anything?”

Zhao Zi shook his head. Or at least, Jack thought he shook his head.

“Tired?”

Zhao Zi nodded. Or at least, it looked like he nodded.

“Come on, then. Let’s go to bed,” Jack pulled his hand back and went to stand.  
  
“No.”

“No?”

“Don’t wanna move.”

Jack laughed, but Zhao Zi was all too sincere.

“Wouldn’t you rather be in bed?” he sat back down at Zhao Zi’s feet, knowing that this may take a while. Meng Shao Fei had quite the influence over Zhao Zi, namely in making him all the more stubborn, sculpting him in his own difficult image. He really didn’t know what Tang Yi saw in him.

Zhao Zi, with great effort and without a word, pulled himself up and clambered into Jack’s lap. He threw his arms over his shoulders and finally, stared Jack in the eye. He didn’t look too happy about being awoken and he definitely wasn’t happy that Jack didn’t even have the decency to look ashamed. Instead, he kissed Zhao Zi’s juvenile pout.

Zhao Zi wanted to deny him this, as punishment for jarring him from his peaceful slumber, but he was already melting into him from the moment Jack’s lips touched his. He responded lazily, moving slow, wrapping his arms tighter about his neck. Jack’s fingers were back in his hair, carding through the strands. Zhao Zi sighed against Jack’s prying mouth. He could have fallen asleep again, calm as he was. The only thing keeping him conscious was the rush of endorphins that always seemed to accompany their intimacy. When he felt Jack attempting to further the kiss into something more, something raw, he stopped him.

“Jack.”

It took everything in Jack’s power not to pull him back, kiss along his jaw, nip down his neck, _ really _tire him out. Still, he retreated.

“Bed?”

Zhao Zi gave him an “uh-huh” as he rubbed his eyes. Jack was about to make a scandalizing comment— certain to make Zhao Zi blush— about just what he could be doing to Zhao Zi in bed, but he elected not to. All it would earn him was a feeble smack and a half-hearted scolding. 

“You’ll have to get off of me then.”

“Carry me.”

Normally, Zhao Zi hated when Jack would hoist him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes or sling him up in his arms like he was his bride. Now, he was already clutching at Jack as tightly as he could, preparing to be carted up the stairs.

“Okay, but I can’t stand up like this,” Jack chuckled. Zhao Zi moaned petulantly but stood nonetheless. He took the time to stretch before crawling onto Jack’s back. Jack couldn’t help but laugh again.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

Jack gripped the legs wound around his waist and set off for their bedroom. Zhao Zi was incredibly light. He floated along on each breath of air and swayed in the wind like a flower, blooming brightly and content. Jack carried him up the stairwell, across the room, and to the bed. Zhao Zi didn’t waste so much as a second in throwing himself, body and bones, onto the mattress. Jack intervened before he could pass out again.

“Shorty,” he teased affectionately, “aren’t you going to get undressed?”

Zhao Zi was still wearing his flannel, sweater, jeans, and socks. He did prefer to cover up and regularly wore modest pyjamas to bed, no matter the weather, but he clearly wasn’t getting out of bed now. The sooner he could get under the covers, the better. As he wriggled out of his shirt and pullover, Jack tugged at the legs of his pants. Usually, when Jack would help him undress, it was under far less innocent circumstances. He didn’t even have the heart to make a comment about it. Zhao Zi was down to his patterned boxer-briefs, bare and so small before him. The sight pulled and played at Jack’s heartstrings, making them sing. Zhao Zi had made him pliant. Even the most pedestrian actions on his part sent a sharp ache through his chest. Just aiding him getting ready for bed was enough to fill Jack with a warmth that could have driven him to tears. Zhao Zi had no idea of the effect he had. It was like Jack was perpetually longing for the man. The man he already belonged to. 

The sleepy Zhao Zi yawned, sweet and kittenish. He was already throwing the blankets over himself before Jack could get ready to climb in with him. Jack had something of a nightly routine, including skincare and some quick stretching. All of that was forgone as he stripped down and joined Zhao Zi.

For all the adoration swelling in Jack like a storm, Zhao Zi was yearning for little aside from sleep. He was dozing off from the moment he was horizontal and barely stirred when the mattress dipped under Jack’s weight and the bedside lamp was turned off. Jack didn’t want to disturb him again, but he wanted, he needed to hold him. He reached out for Zhao Zi.

“Come here.”

His inflection made the command sound more like a question, leaving the option of refusal. On some humid summer nights, Zhao Zi would decline the customary cuddling before bed. Still, skin sticky and fevered, he would hold Jack’s hand in his as they slept on top of the blankets, as close as they could get without suffocating in one another’s heat. Everything they did was accommodating to Zhao Zi’s pace. He was often several steps behind Jack, but he didn’t mind waiting for him to catch up.

Luckily, Zhao Zi was happy to oblige him. He rolled over and stopped once his head bumped Jack’s sternum. A small amount of squirming and shifting followed before he was comfortable. He draped his own thin arm over Jack. He pressed a steady kiss to Jack’s chest, grounding but still close to send Jack’s heart beating hard enough to break through his ribcage. Jack kissed his mess of black hair, just over his cowlick in the front. In the dark, he embraced Zhao Zi like he was the only thing keeping him alive. He ran a rough hand down Zhao Zi’s side, over his back, mapping out every part of him he adored within reach. He wanted to write his worship over every inch of him. He worried— he always worried— that Zhao Zi might not have been able to see past his jokes and shrouded confessions. He needed verbal reassurance, but that was the hardest thing to give him. There were so many ways he could mess it up.

“Li An?” he muttered. Zhao Zi’s silence was enough of an answer. It was cowardly to wait until Zhao Zi was asleep to say what he, instead, expressed through every meal he made, every touch, every look he gave. Jack feared no living man, but Zhao Zi _terrified_ him. No one else had managed to undo him with so little effort. He wanted to tell him so much. He wanted to tell him how he would do anything for him. He wanted to tell him how much Zhao Zi had changed his life, how he had given him hope for something he thought he would never have, how he cared for him, how he can no longer imagine being without him. He just had no idea how to say it.

“I love you.”

It slipped from his lips before he could catch it, kill it between his teeth. He tensed but was quick to relax so as to not alert Zhao Zi. It was only three little words, but what frightened him was how much he had meant them. They were so earnest, it almost hurt to say. He loved Li An— _God,_ he loved him. He loved, loved, loved him. Once the panic passed him by, all he felt was relief. A weight lifted from him. He was admitting it to himself more than to his sleeping lover. He tightened his grasp, hiding his stupid simper in Zhao Zi’s hair. He wished he could see him bathed in the moonlight seeping in through the open window, but his eyelids were, too, growing heavy. He was succumbing to the temptations of sleep before he could fight it off. 

Jack could have sworn he heard Zhao Zi speak before he drifted off, could have sworn he felt him smile against him. 

_ “I love you too.” _


	2. your starry-eyed lover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'He shouted back on a whim.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohohoo the morning after
> 
> chapter title from paul by big thief (really mixing it up with the artists)

Zhao Zi held onto Jack’s waist with all his might. The wind whipped past them as Jack weaved in and around traffic on his motorcycle. Li An was only grounded by the feeling of Jack’s body pressed tight to his chest. He didn’t hate travelling this way as much as he used to. This was how he got to work most mornings. He even purchased a sleek black helmet of his own. He had gotten used to the speed and Jack’s reckless driving, but he still refused to open his eyes until they came to a complete stop. At least he didn’t scream anymore.

Well, he didn’t scream as _much._

He had no idea why this was Jack’s preferred method of transportation. It was scary, all the close-calls and car-dodging. Jack said it was thrilling. Zhao Zi said he was crazy.

Thankfully, they made it to the station without incident. Zhao Zi’s strangling grasp loosened but didn’t yet leave as he breathed deep and slow, trying to settle the anxious rhythm of his heartbeat. He was grateful when Jack wordlessly allowed him to take all the time he needed.

“Do you always have to go so fast?” he muttered into Jack’s leather jacket. Jack hesitated a moment to process his muffled question before chuckling.

“Just wanna make sure you aren’t late, Shorty.”

“Just leave home early, then.”

“But then I wouldn’t have time to make your lunch.”

At the mention of his delicious packed meal, Zhao Zi relented. He clumsily dismounted the motorcycle and removed his helmet. He gripped the straps of his backpack.

“Okay, I’ll see you when I’m off work,” he smiled brightly.

“Do you want me to pick you up?” offered Jack, but Zhao Zi shook his head.

“It’s alright. I can walk home.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s gonna be a really nice day.”

“I don’t mind picking you up.”

“It’s not that far away.”

“I wouldn’t want you to be—”

“_Jack_,” with one look, he reminded his boyfriend to stop agonizing over every little thing. Zhao Zi, though small in stature and remarkably naive, was far more skilled than he let on. Sure, he could barely make it through a sentence without tripping up in his own words and yes, he often found himself covered in bruises and bumps from various minor accidents around the house, but he was a strong fighter. Jack had once bore the brunt of this when he startled Li An on a late-night trip to the bathroom. He was thrown to the ground and into a joint lock before he could even blink. Once Zhao Zi realized that the person who’s arm he was close to dislocating was, in fact, his significant other and not a prowler in the dark, he let him go and began apologizing furiously. Still, Jack’s soul didn’t return to his body for another few minutes. Also, Zhao Zi could, has, and will pick Jack up in his unassuming arms like he weighed nothing. He knew full well that Zhao Zi was more than capable of protecting himself on the brief journey from the station to his house. Jack put a hand up in surrender. 

“Fair enough. Let me know when you’re leaving so I can get started on supper.”

“Can we have Thai food?” Zhao Zi perked up, rocking on his feet. It was unbelievable how anything he did seemed to make Jack melt and drive him wild. He was mollifying this trained killer into his househusband and Jack had no complaints.

“Sure thing, shorty. I’ll see you later,” Jack smiled, soft and tender. He never smiled like that until he met Zhao Zi.

“Bye-bye,” said Zhao Zi. He was about to run through those glass doors to excitedly greet his friends, but he paused. He recalled Jack’s near-silent confession from the night before. They hadn’t discussed it at the time or over breakfast that morning, but Zhao Zi supposed it was an unspoken thing. He never expected Jack to say it first, but hearing him whisper his adoration, more vulnerable than Li An had ever heard him, filled him with such a beautiful feeling of security and joy and _love_. Jack had risked everything to stay with Li An— his career, his life. He waited and doted on him every day. Zhao Zi may be inexperienced in relationships, but Jack had never cared for anyone like this before and it showed. His love was inelegant and blundering, contrasting his cool exterior. 

Zhao Zi, on the other hand, was affectionate with everyone. He never feared closeness or the betrayal that came of it. He trusted people freely. He wasn’t a fool, he was just so full of love and saw it as a waste if he didn’t share it. What set Jack apart from the rest, what made Zhao Zi love him the most was his emotional strength. He kept Zhao Zi tethered, preventing him from drifting off into the vacuum of space. When his anxiety attacks had him in a chokehold, consuming him in an ocean of fear and sorrow, Jack guided him through with gentle words. Jack was always there to keep his head above water.

Jack loved Zhao Zi, and Zhao Zi loved Jack.

He shouted back on a whim.

“Love you!”

Jack was just getting ready to kick off back home. Zhao Zi was surprised to see him stumble, almost toppling his bike. He rushed over.

“Jack! Are you okay? What happened? Are you dizzy? Is it too hot out? You shouldn’t have worn that jacket,” he reached out to help, but there wasn’t much he could do. Jack was just gaping at him. Zhao Zi had seen that face before, back when Jack was holding him for questioning. Zhao Zi began making demands of him and Jack was so stunned by his boldness that he complied— that was the face he was making.

“You… what?”

Was this about what he said?

“I— I love you?” Zhao Zi began to worry. Was he not supposed to say that? Jack reacting like he’d been shocked was doing nothing to console him.

“Oh, no, did I say something wrong? I’m sorry—”

“No!” Jack exclaimed far too quickly. “No! No, no, no, no, no, it’s okay. I just wasn’t, uh, I wasn’t expecting you to say it...”

Zhao Zi was still going to apologize again, then he noticed something very peculiar: Jack was visibly flustered, skin flushed a dark shade of pink. He was a master of schooling his expression, but for some reason, it was like he was short-circuiting. Maybe he didn’t think Zhao Zi heard him last night and now, he was shy about it. Caught in a rare moment of weakness.

“It’s really okay?”

“Yeah, Li An, it’s fine.”

“Then can I say it again?”

Jack faltered. This time, it made Zhao Zi suppress a grin.

“Y-Yeah, I guess.”

Zhao Zi leaned in to kiss him. It was brief, only long enough to have Jack chasing him as he pulled back, wanting more.

“I love you.”

And he turned to walk into the station. He heard the motorcycle rev to life, then Jack’s uncharacteristically shaky voice.

“I love you too!” he called out. Zhao Zi gave him one final wave, laughing as he pulled away. Though Jack tried to hide it, he still saw the stunned, lovestruck look written all over his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gotta remind myself that not everything has to be a groundbreaking character study. i'm allowed to write something dumb and bad. I just........... fuckin Love this show and these sweet little boys. feel free to roast me in the comments tho


End file.
